A Spirit Filled Woman's Guide to Well Balanced Friendship
FLAW- I can do this alone
LAW- I don't have to do this alone
This past weekend my husband and I went away to celebrate our 22nd wedding anniversary. One night from home and I packed enough to clothe a militia in a rain forest. As my body swayed and bent under the ridiculous amount of gear I was carrying, my husband asked, “Can I carry that for you?” Immediately, without so much as a pause for contemplation—though I did pause to gasp so that I could answer— I waved my hand dismissively and said, “Oh no, I’ve got it. It’s heavy.”
Of course it was heavy. He saw me dying, that’s why he asked.
The next morning, as I was sitting in a decadent wing-backed chair in our room with my bags scattered around me, packed and ready for check out, I took one look at the one that nearly killed me, and all my stubborn independence fell like a brick in my stomach as I remembered yesterday:
“Can I carry that for you?
“Oh no, honey, I’ve got it. It’s heavy.”
How many times had he offered before? How many times had a friend or even a stranger made the same gesture? How many times had God?
“Stacey, can I carry that for you?”
“No Lord, I got it. Thanks though!”
“Stacey, can I help?”
“Oh no, Lord, it’s too heavy!”
“I got it, God!”
My heart stayed lodged in my throat the entire day as I churned that brief exchange over and over, seeing it in the context of a lifetime of refusals because I had not wanted to feel weak, needy, dependent, incapable, or powerless.
What a load of crock. I am all of those things sometimes.
As I thought that day too about Friendship and Flaws and the overwhelmingly busy season that I find myself in, I realized in a much more tangible way how much help I need to achieve the things God has put on my heart to do.
Chasing our Kingdom calls through Friendship is actually what we preach at Flaws, but sometimes you have to get slapped with your own message for it to become a little more real to you!
Lucky for me, Tabatha is probably the best I’ve seen at helping others achieve what they are called to do, so I speak from experience that this kind of commitment is life altering, something I wish everyone would give themselves over to experience. The miracle of her is that she will pour everything she has into knowing, seeing, and believing in you while convincing you to believe it for yourself. She’s a champion of callings. God knew what He would ask of me and who I needed beside me, and He knows the same for you. Trust me, it’s too important of a gift to dismiss because you think you can carry your load alone.
One of the greatest gifts of Covenantal Friendship is the carrying of each other’s burden, understanding that her call is yours and yours is hers.
Though you may have separate interests and projects, you become united under the responsibility of making sure she does what she is called to do, giving your talents and time to make it happen as if they were your own. This laying down to walk each other’s road is in no way meant to sacrifice your own life’s calling. Quite the opposite actually. It is meant to make sure your calling is answered in greater multiplication. “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their toil.” Ecclesiastes 4:9-10
In Bible terms this is often referred to as the ox anointing, a special yoke of partnership that enables you to work together in a rhythm of magnanimous power, strength, and focus. This yoke of anointing is the great balancer, the great energizer, the great motivator, and the great creator, allowing you to accomplish much more than you could ever do alone in a selfless yet self-fulfilling way.
If you are reading this and thinking, “But I don’t have someone God has called me to like this!” Friend, He is getting us all ready! You are not late to the game, but ahead, if you are open and preparing your heart for her to come. And if you have a friend or two whom you feel that God could use like this, it could be time to yoke yourselves for the greater good of all of us. More than ever, the world needs who we are together!
Here at Flaws we are betting everything we have on the yoke of the ox because we believe it to be the way God is calling us forward. If it is the way, it is only the strength of the ox that will get us to the Finish Line.
It's time for us to SEE one another RIGHTLY. BELIEVE in one another CONFIDENTLY. And SUPPORT one another SACRIFICIALLY.
Your Friendship Pioneers,
---Stacey and Tabatha
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